~Grief is a beautiful thing~

There is no timeline for grief. No clock to watch or calendar dates to countdown til.  ‘A’ does not Lead to ‘B’ and getting to ‘Z’, well how bout we tackle ‘A’ to ‘B’ and worry about ‘Z’ when we get closer.

Grief is a natural response to a loss.  There is no way out,  you will face it if you bury it or not.  I suggest taking it head on and know you’re grieving. As I have been saying, you should get to know you and know what makes you run.  I feel burying things only complicates matters further down the road. I always thought you may be able to wear different masks with different people.  A happy mask, sad mask whatever.  But when it comes to looking in that mirror, it should just be you.  Write out your grief, talk about your greif.  Find out why you are grieving   {Please check back to the ToV for a theory I created about the three biggest emotions behind grieving.*}  Of course grieving affects everyone differently.  Depending on pretty every varible in your life. Like a snowflake, grief is unique to everybody,  which in itself is a beautiful concept when you think about it, we all are really unique.  **{http://toomuchtoosooncancer.com/2013/01/25/triangle-of-vibrations/}

I will tell you about what I experienced. Everything takes time.  I view grieving as a muscle. You must exercise it and be aware of it to know how to work it out. You don’t go into a gym and run on the treadmill if you want bigger biceps. You focus on biceps and the necessary surrounding muscles.   For myself I can not pinpoint the one path I took to learn about how to grieve.   I made mistakes, felt even more pain before I helped myself out and was able to one day live a life where greif was along side me not in front leading.  Still, I am no fool, I am aware grief  comes at any time in any form.

No matter how long it has been, how many triumphs and breakthroughs you have had.  You can be reminded of something that brings you back to the early stages of grieving.  However, now in the face of grief you approuch it differently.  You don’t allow yourself to get as absorb into the feeling.  You now have control. Every day you live with grief, you learn how it works.  Even if you don’t think you do.  For me, the movies I watched changed due to certain subjet matter. I listened to some songs and not others because of the way certain jams made me feel.  The company I kept also changed depending how a person made me feel.  Grieving makes you more aware of your environment.  You have now learned to protect yourself from situations or people that may make you sad, miss the loved one or makes you depressed.  You have exercised that muscle.  I call that self-presveation.  You are using what you know to protect yourself from feeling a certain way again.

I recall late last year I was walking back to my apartment.  Was having what I considered a normal day.  When coming out of a deli was a man, his hair was balding and he was bone thin.  Clothes hung off his body.  He opened up a bottle of coke, kicked his head back and with both hands wrapped around the bottle took a giant first sip.  The look on his face is still burned into my mind. Everybody else on the sidewalk naturally walked by paying no mind.  Me, right there on the sidewalk I had a break down.  Walking home with pizza in my hands ready to eat and out of nowhere I lost myself. I pictured my parents, watching his face glow with that sip. Though I can never speak on behalf of those who have cancer. I can recognize the signs of a victim who has an illness and few moments of joy. This man was enjoying the little things in life.    This scene was heartbreaking and uplifting. I pictured my mom on her last night eating her meal .  She loved each bite so much it broke my heart to see it.  The memory of that man is strong with me and I was thankful to experience it.  Made me appreciate where I had come from and where I was in the grieving process.

As you can see grief is neverending, you can cope with it differently, but never bury it.  It finds you when you are not looking and not thinking about it.  So confront it and learn about it.  So next time it surprises you and tries to bring you down you can react in your best interest.

We’ve got two lives, the ones we are given and the ones we make

~Happy reading

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