I heard once that all the worse things in life come free. This statement is to black and white for my taste. I am a believer that tragic moments can come free of charge. Pain, agony, stress are all by products of something you are experiencing emotionally. You do not have to go far to look for worse things. You may just feel like everything bad falls into your lap only. On the same hand you could say good things come free as well. You may just feel like you have to look harder for it, which you might not want to do. You have to open yourself up emotionally and mentally to see them. Opening yourself up takes time, takes trial and error, but from each error comes another trial where you may hit your grove. It is all how you look at it.
I am talking about changing the way you look at life. With grieving and coping, it is easy to focus on the bad things that stress you out. When grieving everything seems to be bad. During times of stress I find people are innately more pesstimic and negative about life. You think nobody else experiences what you are and you isolate your mind in way that hurts you. Make rash decisions that you may not benefit them in the long term. I feel if you are mad or stressed know why you are and identify the issue. Once you do that you will be able to handle your urges in a healthier manner. You are organizing your mind, prioritizing your needs, you are listening to you. It’s the bad things that make you appreciate the good times though.
There is no monetary value on worse things, so that means worse things that happen really are free? Emotionally it’s costly. It costs time, energy, thoughts, everything in you. When you get mad, angry or stressed to the max have you ever broken anything? If you answered yes, has it ever made you feel better? Was the problem solved by breaking something? NO! All you have is a mess to clean up. It’s easy to allow emotions to take control. When you are happy these free horrible things that have happened take the back seat. When you are happy nothing seems to bother you as much. The problem is still there, just like when you break something. It’s just your mind has morphed it into a different outlook.
I also feel that bad things lead to good things. There can be no personal transformation without knowing what is out there in the world. To appreciate the things you like, you have to know about what is out there. So you can compare and make your own conclusion about what you like. Some people like horror movies over romantic movies. They know about romantic movies but choose to watch horror. That is a simple example but it works. All I ask is that you change the way you think. Take baby steps, pay attention to what happens during the day. Was it a good, bad, indifferent day?. Could it be indifferent? Or if things are not bad they must only be good. I want you to yet again write, make a list of the day. Make two columns, a bad and good column. See what you can come up with. Write about what you went through and felt this day, the next day and so on. This is an exercise in challenging yourself and opening yourself up. Digging down to remember and thinking about how you feel. Grieving is a long process that I feel is with you forever. I want you to see the good in things and know that life is amazing. You are making life, not retelling it. Go out there and find the good in life and what makes you happy.
Expect to get dirty, life doesn’t always play fair but you can be fair with your life