While grieving your mind is working a million miles a minute. Sometimes you over think life, sometimes you don’t think at all. Sometimes you are happy, other times you are miserable. This range of emotions and confusion is so common. You may feel have no worth. The mind acts like it’s separate from the body. You may think one way but act another. These emotions you feel are natural, normal and nasty.
You use words that empower you to live in a negative world. Think your life is a diaster. My life sucks. I’m a loser. I’m a failure. Thinking you deserve this unhappiness. You deserved what happened to you. You feel cursed. Think you attract trouble. You feel like you are drowning and can never catch up in life. You feel like you are always behind in life. You use words that reinforce your current mood. Words that let control your life for sometime.
You are in a slump that you think you can’t get out of. You can get out of it though. You have a voice, you have a mind, you have the courage. You have been through a courageous event not everybody has been through.
At times it can be easy to let the mind work against you. Turn on you. You can become disgusted with yourself. Think you are damaged.
I used to think ‘why am I even alive? I add no purpose to life.’
I struggled with thinking of a reason to live somedays. The pains of life got under my skin and itched so bad I wanted to stop the itching forever.
But forever is a long time, cliché and true. Thinking you are no good, you add no value is not true. Sometimes in life you may be behind. Sometimes you may be ahead. The race is long and life can turn around on a pinhead. Thinking poisonous thoughts pollutes your mind, it pollutes your relationships, your body, every avenue you can think. You spend your energy and focus worrying/over-thinking past situations. Getting fueled by your anger over circumstances you can’t control anymore. Intersections in your life you have gone through. Instead of thinking about what you have to offer and experience You make your environment around you so toxic you can’t escape. You may try reality through drugs or drinking which only clouds your senses more than anger. When you become sober, life is harder to grasp.
I know about this side of grieving because I have been to this side of grieving. I have been so disappointed with me I cried in the mirror looking at myself. To pull yourself out when you are so deep into your mind with negative thoughts seems impossible. I want you to know that it does get better and is possible. Life is what you make of it. It is not always a bed of roses, but if life were a bed of roses, roses would mean nothing because they would be everywhere.
You are building yourself, learning yourself. Taking in life. These moments of misery are helping you to become a revamped you. A beautiful you. Experiencing such pain makes you unique, interesting and awesome. As I have said, all experiences in life you take bits and pieces from. From your sorrows and pain you can find you.
You can take life as it comes at you. Taking life as it comes at you allows you to live in the now while using the past as a reminder on what you don’t want for the future. Ask yourself don’t you want to find out something about you. Discover something new. Know your limits and push them in a positive healthy way. A healthy way to help you help yourself is to write what you feel. See the words, feel the words. Sometimes you just need to vent and listen to you. Sit back and just think about life, not dwell on life.
You are brave, you are scared. You are fierce, You are gentle. You are you, You are you.