~Death is a Motivator~

I wrote this while heading back home from a road trip with some friends to D.C for a weekend.  I wrote about my desire to make the most of my life.  I was having a hard month from stress that I brought into my life.  That stress was controlling every part of me and I really needed to understand myself and the decisions I had made.

I write about the idea of using death as a motivator in life.  I also write about my view on nostalgia   This is an example of one of my of my writings I have talked about and have asked you to try.  I closed my eyes while in the back seat of the car and just wrote about all I was feeling…

“I needed this trip more then I knew.  I had my reasons to go DC.  Wanted to clear my head, hang with different groups.  Grab that life experience I always seem to be chasing so I can make memories.  I feel like a sponge right now sucking up life.  Is that because of death?  Does death make you a sponge?

I think death is a motivator, for me at least.  People have their own agenda, mine is to inject myself into as many peoples lives as possible. Meet people, see people, laugh with people, learn about people, learn about peoples pains and my own pains. As expected my parents passing has shaped my life and given it meaning.  Now that I have gotten tragedy out of the way, I can start living.

I have a fear I will die without living. I have made rash descion after rash decision of the late. Some have caused sleepless nights, others have made me pat myself on my back. I saw me becoming my parents right before my eyes, overworking and under apprenticing my worth.  Stuck in a go nowhere job that didn’t enhance me or my life and I was working to just survive. I used the idea of their death to live.  I was content before, nothing wrong with content.  But why not try being content on a whole other level in life.  Be content at a place you have always dreamt about.

 I want to be alive, not only wanna live.  I live through my nostalgia, a bonding link to all facets of my life.  I want my future to be influenced by the idea of fueling my nostalgia.  Some people argue living your life though nostalgia is going to do nothing but keep you down. It makes you blind to the reality around you because you are so busy living in the past.  I disagree.  That is a negative approach to how amazing nostalgia is and can be.  With death or sickness of a loved one you view your life in defined moments.  You look back at life and elevate where you have been and where you are going.  You live in the now while knowing you are making the best of every situation because when this moment is done, you will only be left with the moment you created.  I know that while I am in the NOW, I want to make the most of it so when I look back I know I did what I wanted.  I do not want to look back and wonder why I didn’t do something I had a chance to.”

You don’t have to be reckless to be free.  You can be reckless and content

~Happy reading

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