Surround yourself with people who respect you. This should go as an obvious statement for everybody no matter the situation. Be around those who respect you and treat you like you treat others. That is clique but use your respect as a cornerstone for how you want to be treated.
While grieving you will become more aware of your surroundings. It may not be noticeable right away. At first you may not be able to pinpoint what in your environment triggers what emotion. It takes you some time to understand the long full impact of the domino effect of grieving. You may fight off new feelings or unease, perhaps just chalking it up to you being sensitive or a weirdo now since the sickness or death. But that’s not true. You’re flaring of emotions is you, you responding to your body talking to you, your mind talking to you.
You become like peter parker or rather spider man when his spidey sense goes off. A beacon alerting you to near by impending trouble. The environment around you causes some challenges, especially during the early phase of grieving, right after a tragedy. I view your environment during the early phase of grieving like you are a loose dog running around a neighborhood. You are confused, scared, everybody thinks they know how to help catch you and everything around you can hurt you. Of course hurt for a loose dog is physical, while your hurt is mostly emotional, which can lead to physical hurt.
Everybody in your life can upset you too. With the people in your life you become more aware of their character. Their outlook on life, the way they respect you, respect others. Are they around, not around, do they bring out the best side of you. You take in their personalities, maybe not even knowing it. You can slowly see how you act with one person or another. You become more aware of your own actions based on other peoples actions. Pretty much everything about those you are around multiply your mood and mindset. This is all part of getting to know yourself. It is easy during this time to seem sensitive to comments, environments, rudeness, kindness or a million other feelings. You are sustainable to it all. It. Besides just understanding your surrounding in regards to people in our life we also have to be aware of movies, TV, music and even restaurants. Your whole environment and life you knew before grieving has altered. Many daily routines you used to do now don’t feel as welcoming or fair. Something is missing and it hurts.
I remember I once got that moment of unexpected grief while drinking a soda. The smell of the Mountain Dew I was drinking made me miss my father. It’s not because he wore Mountain Dew cologne, but when smell hit me that day it reminded me of him drinking it. As you move on through grieving it is funny to see what your mind remembers. Smells, thoughts, conversations.
I recall I had to walk out of the movie theatre during Transformer and Ratatouille. I can’t tell you for a million dollars what I felt that was so strong for me to leave. There was a moment in that movie which brought up something inside of me and I knew I had to go. I knew excatly where sticking around to try and watch the movie would get me. Quieltly stuffing tears on the inside of my jacket. Sure I had to hear it from my friends after, busting my chops about leaving. They kept saying “I don’t understand?” “What happened in there?” If your job was to make everybody around you understand grieving, either grieving would be a breeze or you would drive yourself crazy. It didn’t matter to me if my friends understood. I understood and that was all I needed. I have to live with myself and my mind. I had learned through trail and error how I needed to react in moments of unexpected grief that benefitted me.
I have written about self-preservation before. Protecting yourself in advance from a situation or moment you know will make you feel vulnerable, sad or hurt. Self-preservation to me is looking out for your well being. When you pay attention to your surroundings you are listening to yourself, which is amazing. You have the anticipation, attitude and openness to not move on in that one direction right now. There is enough organic pain and sorrow swirling around you on a daily basis. Why go looking for hurt and pain. I can not stress the importance of surroundings, it is all part of helping you love you and learn you.
Just because you see a bridge, that doesn’t mean you have to cross over it.